Secrets of the post-birth mum: what you need to make life better
LAST UPDATED 28 FEBRUARY 2024
We hear (or try not to hear) about all the unsexy details of childbirth. The soiling yourself, the tearing, the animalistic howls. But not so much about the state of the postnatal body. Perhaps it’s assumed that everything just springs back to normal once that tiny baby reaches the mum’s arms. This is not quite true. It can take a while for your body to resume normal business. But there are some things you can do to make it all a lot easier.
None of this is intended to scare or horrify. It’s all completely normal and totally bearable. It’s just part of having a baby unless you have one that painlessly slides out like an eel. (Fingers crossed. As long as it isn’t an actual eel.) All the stuff that may follow - the stitches, the bleeding, the piles, the fear of the first poo - none of it really matters. You’ve just expelled a real live baby from your body. You just won’t care. So with that in mind, let’s start with the blood.
DEALING WITH POSTNATAL BLEEDING
It’s completely normal to have vaginal bleeding after any kind of birth. It’s even got its own special name - lochia. Which sounds a bit like a handsome European prince from a fairy tale. But a lot less kissable. You’re definitely going to need some maternity pads. You will probably also want to sleep on an old towel or maternity mat at night. My friend’s NCT course leader horrified her with warnings to expect a ‘hail of orange-sized blood clots’. Which sounds frankly terrifying and like one of the biblical plagues. I think there was a bit of scaremongering going on here (or she has shares in maternity mats). This is not normal and you should tell your midwife about any blood clots bigger than a 50p piece.
You definitely won’t want to wear a lacy g-string post-birth so make sure you have some old or cheap comfy knickers. Ideally in a size or two bigger than normal so that you can easily fit the maternity pads in. They should also be made of a breathable material like cotton. Dark-coloured ones are also best for obvious reasons. You can also buy disposable knickers, like these ones from Emma Jane Maternity (Amazon link). Some have an insert for pads and are made of a fabric designed to help wounds breathe. They might be particularly useful if you had a c-section.
maternity pads
These are pretty essential. You can’t use tampons because of the risk of infection. Nor will you want anything up there - trust me. Some just use heavy-duty sanitary towels but the fine mesh or plastic coating may irritate your sensitive bits. Definitely buy lots of maternity pads as you’ll be changing them a lot at first - maybe every hour or two.
What are the best maternity pads?
Boots and sell good own-brand maternity pads, which are extra long and thick.
Natracare Organic Maternity Pads
Award-winning, soft, organic maternity pads that are plastic-free, biodegradable and compostable.
Lil-Lets Maternity Pads
These maternity pads are popular as they have wings. They are also fragrance-free, soft and extra-long.
maternity bed mats
If you don’t want to ruin a towel, maternity bed mats will prevent your sheets and mattress from looking like a murder scene. You can also use these in late pregnancy in case your waters break in the night. Boots and Superdrug both sell them and Superdrug also sell a more eco-friendly washable bed pad.
HOW TO SOOTHE POSTNATAL PAIN
A baby has come out of your body. It’s probably going to be a bit sore afterwards. But don’t worry, you don’t need to suffer in silence. You are legally allowed to bore everybody about it endlessly. Plus there are lots of ways that you can ease the pain.
medication
If you are in pain after the birth and are breastfeeding, the NHS website advises that paracetamol is fine but to check with your GP or midwife before taking anything else like ibuprofen. Aspirin and codeine should definitely not be taken.
soothing pads, spritzes and sitz baths
If you are very sore down below, you could try making a padsicle. This is basically a frozen maternity pad that will soothe your bits. And better than a bag of peas in your knickers.
How to make a padsicle:
Unfold the pad. If it has a wrapper, leave it attached to the back of the pad.
Soak it in distilled witch hazel (make sure it is alcohol-free).
Use a spoon to smear on some pure aloe vera gel.
Fold it back up and put it in a freezer bag.
Put it in the freezer.
When you’re ready to use it, let it thaw for a few minutes first.
You can also buy cold packs and spritzes to calm down any pain. Here are some of the most popular.
First Days Perineal Cold Packs
These award-winning cold packs do not need to be kept in the freezer. You just give them a squeeze to activate the cooling effect, which helps with healing, pain, swelling and bruising.
My Expert Midwife Spritz for Bits
This award-winning spritz contains lavender oil, tea tree oil and witch hazel to soothe any post-childbirth pain. It can also be used on c-section scars.
Sitz baths are another way you can ease the pain. They are also handy if you’ve had stitches as it’s important to wash the area daily with warm water. Plus they can soothe piles, which are very common after childbirth. But best of all, they’re a good excuse to hide in the bathroom on your own for twenty minutes.
The Tovee Foldable Sitz Bath is a best-seller which is placed over the toilet. Once filled with warm water it can soothe any pain and itching from postpartum wounds or piles. The warm water is good for circulation so can help to reduce any swelling or inflammation.
SITTING DOWN AFTER CHILDBIRTH
If you have piles or stitches, sitting down may be uncomfortable. You could use this as an excuse to lie in bed for a fortnight. Or you could get something to sit on that means your bits only come into contact with air. I used a foam doughnut cushion but have since learned that these aren’t recommended as they restrict blood flow, which slows down healing. They may also pull on your stitches. But I found it invaluable for those first few days after birth. Some also use rolled-up towels, a pregnancy or breastfeeding pillow or even a kid’s swimming ring.
You can also buy or hire a Valley cushion. These have been specially designed to make sitting down comfortable without any restriction in blood flow.
GOING TO THE TOILET AFTER CHILDBIRTH
After having a baby, something else coming out of that region is a fairly daunting prospect. Let’s start with the wees. Unless you’re a rugby player, you’ve probably never drunk urine, but it is apparently pretty acidic. And nobody wants acid thrown on a wound. So it’s good to drink lots of water to dilute your urine and make it sting less. You can also keep a jug or bottle of warm water by the toilet and pour it on your bits as you urinate. There are specially designed bottles for this. Like this one by Lansinoh.
This post-birth wash bottle is great for diluting urine as it has a spout that’s easy to direct. It’s also very good for cleaning the perineal area to reduce the chance of infection. And for when you don’t fancy the idea of rubbing any toilet paper down there - just pour the water on and pretend you’re on a fancy Japanese toilet.
There is also the issue of incontinence. Nobody wants to be wetting themselves after birth, but it’s extremely common. Around a third of new mums will leak some wee every now and then. The maternity pads will come in useful here. But it’s important to do your pelvic floor exercises. These will help strengthen the muscles that have been stretched and weakened during childbirth and pregnancy. Start them as soon as you can - ideally while still pregnant.
how to do pelvic floor exercises
Imagine doing a wee and then stopping it - the muscles you are clenching are the pelvic floor. Relax that area and then gently tighten these muscles. You should feel them lifting up and coming together.
Long squeeze exercises: Try squeezing the muscles for as long as you can - build up to as long as 10 seconds. (But no longer!)
Short squeeze exercises: Squeeze and then release the muscles straight away. Do this repeatedly until the muscles feel tired.
Aim for repeating these squeezes ten times. While you’re doing the exercises, make sure the rest of your body is relaxed and that you are breathing normally. Try and do it three times a day.
You could also get a pelvic floor trainer. This is not someone who comes round to shout at you to clench. These are little bits of technology that make sure you’re doing it all properly. One of the most popular is the Elvie trainer.
This trainer is connected to an app where you can track your progress and see your pelvic floor movements in real-time. It’s fine to use in pregnancy but wait until six weeks after birth before starting with it again.
Okay, now the post-birth poo. Definitely try and avoid straining. Drinking lots of water, a high-fibre diet or prune juice will help loosen things up a bit if you’re constipated. If you have stitches, it might feel reassuring to hold a wad of clean toilet paper or a sanitary towel over them while doing a poo. But don’t worry, you can’t tear yourself back open with a poo. Which is one small mercy.
TWO MORE USEFUL POST-BIRTH ITEMS
Don’t worry, this is not all about bleeding and piles. It’s also good to get organised for being attached to a baby for the foreseeable future. In the early days, it’s likely you’ll spend a lot of time feeding in a chair. I did once manage to breastfeed while letting the dog in and wiping his wet paws on a towel. But that’s probably not advisable at first. (Or ever probably.)
So while you’re stuck in a chair/bed/sofa, it’s really useful to have some kind of big drinks container within reach. Especially if you’re breastfeeding as it can make you very, very thirsty. A big jug or bottle of water would be great. A big thermos flask full of herbal or decaf tea for topping up your mug would also be very handy. (The NHS recommends no more than 200mg of caffeine a day while breastfeeding. This is around two mugs of tea or instant coffee a day.)
Unless you’ve got a phone that charges wirelessly, an extra long phone charger will make sure you never run out of battery however far you are from a plug socket. Try not to trip over it though. You’ll have enough on your plate. But hopefully, all the other discomfort is eased and you could almost tell yourself that your baby really did slide out painlessly like an eel.
Some baby products are useful for longer than others. If you’re in two minds about whether to buy something, it can be worth considering its lifespan. The longer you use it, the better the cost per use and the more it will justify its place in your home. Here are thirteen baby products that are still in active service with my now five-year-old.